Hey all my puzzled lovers out there! I was just having an awesome conversation with my best friend about how I wound up in this FINE mans bed yesterday, but how I can't lower my standards for anyone because I owe more to myself.
First off, we did not have sex. I have no issues with explaining any details going on in my life... including who gets the nookie! The entire situation started off CRAZY because I thought I was answering the phone call of another man with the same name. LOL! Not good. You could not imagine the disappointment on my face once I realized I was on the phone with the wrong guy.
Second, once I agreed to hang out with him, I got to his apartment (not in Soho either), and he came to the door with just his boxers on. I promptly asked him, "Aren't you a little too comfy?" He looked at me puzzled and I continued "... well this is your place." The conversation continued BAD as he seemed to think I wanted to just sit and look at his washed up tattoo's. My contribution to that convo was I don't have any tattoo's because I don't know what I want on my beautiful skin. As of now any picture or image I like I'll just buy it and hang it on my wall. He felt more of a desire to continue talking about his tat's for another twenty mins.... UHHHHHH!
Third, I asked to use his bathroom. When I finished urinating he said, " Do you need a warm rag to clean yourself?" I'm sure there was some confusion to why I was there at this point. lol! There was double ply toilet paper in there. lol! I knew he thought I was coming over for other reasons, but I wasn't. I decided this is a perfect time to let him know directly why I was there, and what I want in a man. We had already been on several dates, and I knew this man for a couple of years. He didn't hear anything I said.
When I was in his place I noticed how tacky the furniture was. Everything looked like it was bought at Furniture King with the kitschish(not in good taste) black women at another nail salon wall art. Listen, the brother was clean and so was his place. It was nice he had furniture... but, I come from a different breed. A breed that would never have to say, " look his house was clean and he had furniture". My house was always nice and clean, with furniture pieces that told a story I wanted it to tell. I don't knock Furniture King, but that's not what I come from or what I want to see in a man who wants me and is past age 40.
So, after he tried to jump on me twice to have sex with him and he noticed he wasn't getting anywhere he calmed down. He said I needed to give my parents some grandchildren. If you all could have only seen the blank stare I gave this man. The stare got even worse when he offered to give me a child. WHAT???? The first thing that came out of my mouth was " Don't you already have 4 children with different women? Do you even USE CONDOMS??? I don't come from a single parent household, and I want more from a man than just his seed planted in me." I'm not even as financially independent as I want to be before I start bringing children into the world. He knows that!! He then had the nerve to say my family would take care of my/our baby. WHAT??? He just doesn't know my mother and father are not having that at all. As he was saying this I saw his 100 pairs of Prada sneaker boxes, and the black man kneeling to the black woman poster up on his wall... and I realized I had to go... right away.
So, I left. I smiled and was happy to know I AM KEEPING MY COOCHIE TIGHTER FOR THE RIGHT MAN! Sorry if that is too vulgar, but its the truth. I would rather go home to my vibrator than give up sex to a man that doesn't deserve it. I've had the boyfriends, the men that have wanted to marry me, the men who thought they could get over on me and not take me out EVER, but still expect sex. The older I get the more I know I can not separate my feelings from sex. I can if I wanted to, but when I know I like someone I can't fake it. There is no such thing as a booty call to me, unless I just don't like the man. Why would I want to give myself to someone I don't like, unless I really don't have any self control? I think booty calls are a waste of time for people who suffer from the LONELY SYNDROME (we'll get back to that on another blog date... and its okay if that's what you are into... I've been there too).
The older I get the more I'm starting to realize that I can not lower my standards on any level. I've been the ride of die girlfriend. I once stayed in a TERRIBLE hostel in Brooklyn because my man was homeless. I am from one of the nicest towns in northern NJ, and I don't have to settle for any half ass man that is not on my level. Or for love that is not equal. I'm all about being there for your man. I'm all about you never knowing where you will find love. However, love SHOULD NOT MAKE YOU LOWER YOUR STANDARDS ON ANY LEVEL. To further that idea, standards are individual ideas. I know I'm a good girlfriend who will go out of my way, and really be there for a man... but I had to really take a step back and take a look at how often these men were really going HARD for me.
There is a true level of honesty that people sometimes forget to examine. I think knowing what you come from, and then knowing what you want will make things a lot easier for where you're going. No need for ANYONE to lower their standards. Only you know what you can handle.
Good luck out there....
Ohh and yes he was black... and yes there are plenty of PROFESSIONALLY, POLISHED, CLASSY, NON WHORING BLACK MEN OUT THERE... he just wasn't one of them! lol!
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